Neither fish nor foul

 

That's my boy

My two well-fed cats feast on fishy delights. Their palettes are satiated every morning and evening with tins of mashed up tuna, bonito, mackerel, sardine, crab or shrimp. Yet meat is firmly off the menu.

The many cats we had at home (living by a main road meant that they rarely reached their ninth life) when I was growing up in northern England also got their fill, but usually their cans of Whiskas were filled with rabbit, beef, chicken, lamb or some other unfortunate candidate for a Sunday roast. Only occasionally would we feed them with some tinned fish.

Breakfast

Why do pet food manufacturers here only offer seafood for the nation’s moggies? Fish plays a major role in the Japanese diet – be it raw, grilled, steamed, fried, or in the ubiquitous stock for miso soup. Its health benefits are well known and it is a low fat alternative to a roasted mammal. Perhaps the Japanese penchant for  aquatic vertebrate has brain-washed makers and owners into limiting cat-food offerings to those that satisfy the national psyche, rather than giving domestic felines the food they would catch and eat in the wild – meat.

Natural foes?

Given that cats don’t like water, how are they supposed to catch fish? They don’t have fishing rods – they have paws – and would have to dive in to catch their dinner. Most cats would rather go hungry than take a dip in a river and have a fish slip through their paws.

While Japan’s pampered pussies might struggle to hunt mice, rats, shrews or even hapless birds, it surely would be more natural to have these carnivorous animals eat more carne. They should not be made into human clones of their owners like many of the hapless pooches here.

Another pet peeve is owners who clad their dogs in fancy outfits – again an attempt to humanise animals. Dogs have fur. This fur grows thicker in winter to keep out the cold. They don’t need these frilly costumes.

Sad

How does Fido feel when he’s taken to the park (often carried by owners who claim their dogs get tired if they walk – what rot!) and comes across a cute young canine lass? He must be questioning his masculinity when he’s making a bottom-sniffing advance in his frilly jacket. If he could speak, surely he’d bitch at his master, begging to be freed of the whims of fashion and allowed to embrace his own doggy-style. 

A typically shallow owner